The past four months here have been nothing less than legendary. I have learned almost a billion things here. No, I m not talking about bunking conferences or feigning sickness or talking for hours on the phone, four years of DA-IICT already made me a pro as far as such sincere things are concerned. Nor am I eligible enough to talk about my escapades in the field of software engineering. For every line of code that I write, there are atleast 4 lines of error that the compiler throws, and for every line of code that I do not write, there are atleast 40 lines of garbled messages that my boss throws. Infact as mentioned somewhere in its monthly bulletin issue, Infosys is thinking about paying a thousand dollars to anyone who is willing to buy me dead or alive. But even if such a possibility arises, I know the only possible odd for me being able to leave infy is me buying myself. Jab Kareena Kapoor apni favourite ho sakti hai toh yaar main toh apnaa favourite ho hi saktaa hoon :P
Okayy arpit stop stop…weren’t u supposed to talk about the things u have learnt about..seriously, u can blabber nonsensically for hours. And now don’t u start talking about how infy has helped you to understand zoology better.By the way, Zoology and a software company!! Well yeah, Infy has actually made me understand the intricacies of the human brain better. Now I know that the brain is a wonderful organ with extra ordinary sensors. It starts working the moment u get up in the morning, or sometime even late in the afternoon, and doesn’t stop working until you get into the office. Kudos God..u intelligent u!!
Besides all the crap mentioned above, I have learnt to live life the Infy way. And then I have modified the infy way of life to come up with some golden rules. To start with, I always arrive late at the office, but then I make up for my unpunctuality by leaving early. And then as bosses are, the moment they stare at u, the best thing to do is to give them a super duper wide smile. See boss, even if you don’t have a beautiful daughter my age, I am still being soooo nice to you. So while their ulterior motive might be to subject you to Chinese torture, the only thing the boss can do is to helplessly smile back at you. And if reading my fairy tale, makes u wince, that your job/boss is much tougher, lemme clarify that playing CS all day with just 5-6 30 minutes coffee breaks and a short 3 hour lunch break can be really really tough and demanding. And if that’s not enough, abiding by the Infosys quality standards can be all the more challenging.
Talking about the Infosys quality standards, as a friend says, all we find here is extremely well manicured lawns, roads cleaned with tooth brushes, cycles oiled using Johnson's baby oil, unwanted shrubs shaved by Gillette Mac3(the best a grass can get!!), buildings painted sparkling white with pepsodent ultra whitening toothpaste and signs reading "Don't Horn !! Techies at work" three miles away from the workplace. Moreover, in case some one parks a vehicle even just a millimeter away from the parking area, the next thing one gets to know is that all sorts of viruses have inflicted his computer. Truely world class they call it!!
If that’s not enough, while, mineral water is used to maintain the sprawling loans and roads, recycled water is deemed fit for human consumption. Perhaps this explains the large number of gastro-entrits cases on campus ;) And oh my god, I forgot to mention about Infy’s visionary power and if they use it well to surge ahead, they use it better to block websites . As it should have been(or so I think ;) ), all porn sites are blocked, but then infy being the visionary it is, it takes in to consideration the probability that other companies might use porn to attract its employees and so even www.naukri.com (along with the porn sites) is blocked. Moreover, the strict scrutiny measures here deserve a special mention. The security guards are the most ubiquitous thing on campus and each one of them is equipped with X-RAY goggles to enable them to view everything…well not literally..actually almost everything, till the pocket of your underwear. And then to top it all, the management is now thinking of integrating GPS in the employees’ id-card, so as to keep a tab on the time they spend in the rest room. As mind-blowing and out of the world as infy..isnt it!!
And before I continue to blabber and run the risk of issuing a “non-conditional” apology to my boss, as I have already done it a thousand times, I think I better stop…but then Infy truly “rocks” :P