Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Infy “Rocks” :P

The past four months here have been nothing less than legendary. I have learned almost a billion things here. No, I m not talking about bunking conferences or feigning sickness or talking for hours on the phone, four years of DA-IICT already made me a pro as far as such sincere things are concerned. Nor am I eligible enough to talk about my escapades in the field of software engineering. For every line of code that I write, there are atleast 4 lines of error that the compiler throws, and for every line of code that I do not write, there are atleast 40 lines of garbled messages that my boss throws. Infact as mentioned somewhere in its monthly bulletin issue, Infosys is thinking about paying a thousand dollars to anyone who is willing to buy me dead or alive. But even if such a possibility arises, I know the only possible odd for me being able to leave infy is me buying myself. Jab Kareena Kapoor apni favourite ho sakti hai toh yaar main toh apnaa favourite ho hi saktaa hoon :P

Okayy arpit stop stop…weren’t u supposed to talk about the things u have learnt about..seriously, u can blabber nonsensically for hours. And now don’t u start talking about how infy has helped you to understand zoology better.By the way, Zoology and a software company!! Well yeah, Infy has actually made me understand the intricacies of the human brain better. Now I know that the brain is a wonderful organ with extra ordinary sensors. It starts working the moment u get up in the morning, or sometime even late in the afternoon, and doesn’t stop working until you get into the office. Kudos God..u intelligent u!!

Besides all the crap mentioned above, I have learnt to live life the Infy way. And then I have modified the infy way of life to come up with some golden rules. To start with, I always arrive late at the office, but then I make up for my unpunctuality by leaving early. And then as bosses are, the moment they stare at u, the best thing to do is to give them a super duper wide smile. See boss, even if you don’t have a beautiful daughter my age, I am still being soooo nice to you. So while their ulterior motive might be to subject you to Chinese torture, the only thing the boss can do is to helplessly smile back at you. And if reading my fairy tale, makes u wince, that your job/boss is much tougher, lemme clarify that playing CS all day with just 5-6 30 minutes coffee breaks and a short 3 hour lunch break can be really really tough and demanding. And if that’s not enough, abiding by the Infosys quality standards can be all the more challenging.

Talking about the Infosys quality standards, as a friend says, all we find here is extremely well manicured lawns, roads cleaned with tooth brushes, cycles oiled using Johnson's baby oil, unwanted shrubs shaved by Gillette Mac3(the best a grass can get!!), buildings painted sparkling white with pepsodent ultra whitening toothpaste and signs reading "Don't Horn !! Techies at work" three miles away from the workplace. Moreover, in case some one parks a vehicle even just a millimeter away from the parking area, the next thing one gets to know is that all sorts of viruses have inflicted his computer. Truely world class they call it!!

If that’s not enough, while, mineral water is used to maintain the sprawling loans and roads, recycled water is deemed fit for human consumption. Perhaps this explains the large number of gastro-entrits cases on campus ;) And oh my god, I forgot to mention about Infy’s visionary power and if they use it well to surge ahead, they use it better to block websites . As it should have been(or so I think ;) ), all porn sites are blocked, but then infy being the visionary it is, it takes in to consideration the probability that other companies might use porn to attract its employees and so even www.naukri.com (along with the porn sites) is blocked. Moreover, the strict scrutiny measures here deserve a special mention. The security guards are the most ubiquitous thing on campus and each one of them is equipped with X-RAY goggles to enable them to view everything…well not literally..actually almost everything, till the pocket of your underwear. And then to top it all, the management is now thinking of integrating GPS in the employees’ id-card, so as to keep a tab on the time they spend in the rest room. As mind-blowing and out of the world as infy..isnt it!!

And before I continue to blabber and run the risk of issuing a “non-conditional” apology to my boss, as I have already done it a thousand times, I think I better stop…but then Infy truly “rocks” :P

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Development v/s “Democracy”

The Gujarat elections this year were always supposed to be a landmark event in the history of the state. In many ways it involved a contest between the “ruler of hatred” and a party with “secular credentials”, a “dictator” and the assumed “highly galvanized rebels”, a “polarized campaign” and the national media(not to forget a battery of intellectuals),a “repetition” and a “wave of change” and thankfully a “development” model and the so-called “aam aadmi”. The elections were all the more significant as not only would they possibly impact the equations at the central level but can also very well go on to decide how future state elections in India are contested.

The National media and more importantly the Congress saw it as its most realistic chance of toppling Modi. Narendra Modi was fighting against a resurgent opposition, a perhaps righteously hostile media, a hapless anti-incumbency factor, considerably less of an emotional wave this time and a whole host of people from his very own party(not to mention an insecure party high command). But then Mr. Modi triumphed and how.

At the very start of it, the opposition got a lot of things wrong. The Congress forgot that it was a state election and not a national one. The factors at the micro level were more important than if Modi was the “merchant of death” or for that matter, progress made/not made in the past five years mattered more than the fresh legs needed to run the state. Take a trip to the most interior areas of Gujarat and one will find a network of roads, water and even electricity unparalleled to anywhere else in the country. The roads in the tribal areas of Gujarat are perhaps even better than the ones in the capital cities of other states. The rebels banked on their past popularities unaware of the chord that Mr. Modi had struck with the masses. A confidante in Saurashtra would agree that the firebrand non- corrupt and sincere Narendrabhai Modi outweighs the laidback Kheshubhai Patel in every respect. Lets accept it that the media, the intellectuals and even the peace loving citizens of India, didn’t want a man associated with as grave a thing as the Gujarat riots to be at the helm of affairs for another five years. Modi’s authoritative (and even “dictatorial”) attitude made us call the last five years as the darkest period of democracy in Gujarat. For the sake of democracy, we all cringed!! But we forgot that we were not destined to decide Modi’s fate, but the onus was on the voters in Gujarat. The voters didn’t care what the national or the international media felt, what mattered to them was how much the person they were to repose their faith in cared for Gujarat.

Most undoubtedly, Narendrabhai Modi is the sole hero of BJP’s win. He has come across as a powerful and charismatic leader who understands and values the masses. He alleviates the need of middlemen (or even party workers for that matter) and believes in a single point of contact with the masses. He very well knows the importance of an issue in context to a particular place and a particular time interval. So though polarization was an integral part of his wooing package, he always put a special stress on development. And this is where Mr. Modi stood apart. Not only did he align himself with the masses, as a certain Mr. Laloo Yadav would have done, but also played the development plank as efficiently as Chandrababu Naidu would have wanted to. So, to see the masses stand up to the expectations of their leader was not only heartening but might also prod our other political leaders to consider development as an integral agenda behind every state election.

As it seems, the Gujarat state and the factors of development might have won for now. But with an extreme nationalist Narendra Modi as the head of state, would India and humanity be a loser, that only time would tell…

Friday, October 19, 2007


Hello...this was a song i had written to cheer up some of my friends, who ll be writing CAT(an overhyped exam ;) ) this year..so it kind of makes sense for every exam u take..The moron that i am, had decided to do away with this song till a dear friend nagged me so much[:P] to post it here, that i had no other option left..well to be honest, i had an option to commit suicide but then the lively guy tht i am, i chose this one :D

Hey my friends,
u seem to be sailing,
in the same boat as mine,
The days might be tiring
The nights sedating
and then nothing might seem
to be going right,
But then neednt u worry
Because the world will be ours!!

The world will be ours!![chorus & strings]

Look at the stars
And tell the sky,
that u gonna do it
no matter what it costs
Have a million reasons to chase it
and none to forego
Having come this far,
That is the only way to go
And my friends,the world will be ours!!

The world will be ours!![chorus & strings]

The things that make you sad
The thoughts that break you down
Make u lose your faith
And harming you is all they do..
Being at the crossroads of a new life,
it is our choice which road to take
To sit back and crib
or to fight the odds with a new grip
So cheer up my friends, and the world will be ours!!

The world will be ours!![chorus & strings]

Remember the times we fell,
before we learnt to walk
Or the times
when all seemed to be hazy
till we saw a silver lining
Remember the dreams we had,
which kept us all afloat
Let our dreams,guide us all along
So dream my firends, and the world will be ours!!

The world will be ours!![chorus & strings]

Things might seem to be moving slow
But that doesnt mean, we are on an all time low
There is always a scope, to start afresh
Dump the bygones and come charging by
And what better way than do it now
Doing it, we are not alone
Through thick and thin we ll all stand
hoping we all tame the dreadest cat!!
So dont lose hope my friends, and the world will be ours!!

The world will be ours!![chorus & strings]

Party hard my friends,
it would prompt u to work harder!!
Dont ever say that u cant
that ways,u wont work hard enough
to prove u actually can!!
Besides, you ll never know where u stand
till you give your very best
Give this dream all you have
and be ready to soar to the stars!!

So work hard my friends, enjoy every moment of it,
...and the world will be ours!!

The world will be ours!![chorus & strings]
The world will be ours!![chorus & strings]

Monday, September 10, 2007

Sachin Tendulkar fans!!

Some traits of a die hard Sachin Tendulkar fan..

1) The number of Sachin Tendulkar fans is always greater than the number of fans of all the other people put together!!

2) We hate Aleem Dar and Simon Taufel!!

3) We love the innocent smile as much as we love the soft voice!!

4)HE scores a century or makes India win the match (which happens every now and then), we forget all our miseries and feel to be on the top of the world!!

5)There is a direct co relation between the number of runs he scores and the quantity of food we end up eating..so u now know the reason for the extra flab we have!!

6)If Sachin misses a catch(once in a blue blue moon) , we claim that that the ball was swinging and it was actually one of the most difficult catches ever!!

7)As soon as HE gets out, switching off our television sets is the first thing we do!!

8)You try to take a dig at HIM and we would love to blast you. Whether it be a pub, a temple, a lecture or even a Job interview, u wont know what hit you!!

9)Each one of us regards oneself to be the biggest Sachin fan!!

10)Some of us might have been atheists had it not been for HIM!!

11)Some of us are actually more enthusiastic on his birthday than on ours!!

12)We might mock the Chopras and the Johars for those melodromatic movies, but the rumours of Sachin's retirement made us cry. Sachin might not be retiring for the time being, but the rumours made us realize how dry our lives would be without him!!

13)We would end up narrating Sachin Tendulkar stories' to our Grand children!!

14)And if you arent an ardent Sachin fan, talk to us and we ll turn u into one..

And the readers ( if any :)) are welcome to add a few more...

Saturday, August 25, 2007

My Sister!!

I have this sudden urge to try my hand at writing a song...nd what better way than to write it for my sis!!

Oh sister..
As momma says
i always asked for a kid sister
And looking back, am glad so i did
Just because simply cant i even fathom
What wld ve i been without u..

[Oh sister...My sister..] (backgrnd & chords)
For u growing wid me wld not have been easy
With me around, life wld never have been smooth
U wld wear shoes in the wrong feet, and i wld laugh at u
You wld talk as if u r a guy, and i wld tease u
Or u wld say something sensible, and i wld mock at u

[Oh sister...My sister..My sweet sister..] (backgrnd & chords)
I miss the fights we had
I wld pull your hair and u wld bite me on my hand
I wld say something and make u cry
Or act innocent when i was at fault
And u being solely blamed for all the deeds we did

[Oh sister..My sister...My sweet little sister..] (backgrnd & chords)
But then,you were thr with me
When i wanted to be a cricketer
Or when i wished to be a soldier
Or an author or a philosopher
And so were u, when i was heading nowhere

[Oh sister...My sister...My sweet little dearest sister..] (backgrnd & chords)
I mean every word mentioned in this song
But then the moron that i am
It actually took me 19 yrs to say all this
Yes, 19 yrs to say all this..
My sister...you r my sister..nd m one lucky brother..one lucky brother!!

copyright (c) 2007 Arpit Gupta

And for all those people(incase any :) ), who are marveled by this song..just ask your sister to bug u a zillion times..and m sure u ll come up wid something even better [:P]

Thursday, August 02, 2007


I read this story quite some time ago..but somehow i have this sudden urge to post it here..here it goes..

Once upon a time, on a lonely island there lived all feelings...Richness,sadness,love,vanity etc.....One day they suddenly realized that the island was sinking.All prepared their boats and started to fleet towards the dry land.Love decided to stay back till the last moment.

When finally the last moment came,love requested richness to take her across to dry land.Richness said it had too much of gold & silver that there was no place for love in that boat.....Love then requested sadness but sadness said that she was so sad that she wanted to be left alone....Love then asked vanity to take her in her beautiful boat but vanity refused as it felt that love was dirty and would spoil the beauty of its boat....Happiness just passed by & was so happy that it could not hear love calling for help.

Then all of a sudden,a boat came and asked love to come over.Love in all excitement forgot to ask who it was.It was only when it met an elder "knowledge" on dry land that love asked who had helped her??? Knowledge replied it was "Time" ,another elder.Love,full of surprise,inquired that why time had helped her.Knowledge ,smiled a deep smile of wisdom and replied :
"It is only time which realizes how great love is"

Monday, July 09, 2007

Mr. Bachchan and a Phone call

It was Pamba's phone call..and each time he calls, believe me, i expect something out of the ordinary..Last time, we were arguing if Federer was the greatest tennis player ever and then suddenly, he claimed to have won the argument. Not because i had failed on logic but simply because he thought that i was grammatically incorrect!! And then as a victory dance, he had gone on to proclaim that "Jhoom Baraabar Jhoom" would be a huge hit and so would be "Shootout at Lokhandwala"..the reason being that the two films boasted of a certain "Mr. Bachchan" leading the pack. Having read the reviews, and being such a sensible person that i am [;)] i didnt really agree with the hypothesis and offered him a bet worth the first salary either of us would be getting. And being the ardent Amitabh Bachchan fan(or so i thought), he was too happy to oblige. "He he Arpit...keep those 25 Grand ready..u labour hard for a month and i ll run away with the money..gud gud..poor u"

Needless to say, the two films didnt do well, so I had actually won. And here was his first phone call since then. I was expecting him to curse the audience and their "bad taste" and teach me some nuances about film making. But then with Pamba you never know..

"Hello.." I said
"Hello Arpit...how r u"
"Is that you Pamba, how come is the voice unusually clear today"
"Is it??"
"Yes it is...what happened to that damn Reliance phone of yours..u seem to be calling from the land line"
"Hmmm...welll...it's a long story Arpit"
"Ok..let it be..how have u been..remember u now owe me your first salary..courtesy your Mr. Bachchan" I said with a naughty smile
"Yeah..that Rascal!!"
"What!!!"I was totally stumped..till a few days back, this chap had been his hero
"That rascal has made me part away with my first salary"
"Oh..its ok Pamba"
"No!! Its not Ok!! He has not only "robbed" me of my money, but has been evading tax as well"
"Hmm..nd guess he has been violating the Foreign Exchange Maintenance Act (FEMA) too"
"Yeah..and not to forget the farmlands he bought..how on earth can he claim to be a farmer"
"Not to mention the endorsement 'Uttar Pradesh : Uttam Pradesh' claiming UP has a very low crime rate"I quipped
"Exactly!! Enough is Enough!!" He said raging
"I have my idols too..How can i continue to support him.." he went on to say
"What bullsh*t..your set of idols..where the hell were your 'idols' when you were extracting money from Dawood Ibrahim's mistresses' daughter" I managed to say
"Arpit, let bygones be bygones!I have decided to boycott all his movies and stuff and please don't ask me to think about it again! I will bring about a revolution. There would be thousands of others who would join me for this noble cause and together we ll teach Bachchan a lesson. And then i would give you an exclusive interview..so that finally your blog gets some readers"
"Oh..Pamba i would be so very very thankful to you"I said cheekily
"Keeing up with the boycott..the last few days have been a bit tough for me..but u see idols come first"
"Oh My God..is that the reason why you arent using the Reliance phone " I wondered
"Precisely and u know i have also quit those stupid chocolates which always gave me a feeling as if i was eating a can of worms"
"Cadbury..hmm..and what about that 'Parker' that u had forced me to 'gift' u"
"Well..i threw it in the dustbin"
"Pamba..i seriously dont believe this..how can u do that....u could have given it back to me"
"Come on Arpit, u should make sacrifices too.I have not been wearing my 'Reid and Taylor' suit to office. You know,I havent been to a restaurant for quite sometime courtsey the 'Pepsi' glow sign boards. No wonder, the breakfast isnt very tasty without the 'Amul Butter'. My digestion is on an all time low without the 'Hajmola' but then i want to teach this man a lesson "
"Are you really serious about all this" I had nothing better to say
"Well Arpit..my live-in partner has left..she wasn't finding me very energetic and advised me to continue with 'Dabur Chaywanprash'..How can i do tht!!You see,I can find an another live-in partner but not compromise on my principles"
"Waaah" I said
"My boss has been giving me a lot of headache for my disheveled looks, but u see, i cannot get my hair cut done as the barber also uses 'Navratan Tel' in his saloon"
" Courtesy the long hair,I had a nasty fall yesterday, but then for my principles' sake, I would not use the 'boroline' or that 'fast pain relief' balm.You see, i ll handle all these hindrances with aplomb"Pamba said proudly
"And if thats not bad enough, that washerwoman of mine refused to use any other detergent than 'Rin', so i have fired her from her job"
"And Pamba,i know how lazy you are..so does that mean that you have been wearing the same dirty clothes"
"Hmm..well..Yes...atleast for the time being..."
"Arpit by the way, does this rascal endorse 'Itch Guard' too" Pamba sounded a bit cautious this time
"Hmm..i do not think so"
"Thank God, I am relieved"
"Pamba i am really sorry for you"
"No...u need not be..you better be sorry for Mr. Bachchan..We can do whatever we want to...this is what democracy means..Remember, what we did to Sachin Tendulkar..for a single failed chance, we questioned his diligent record, his commitment towards the nation and were more than happy to smear mud on his face, letting his hard earned reputation go to the dogs...So u better pray for Bachchan this time" he said a bit sternly
"But I think this time, Mr. Bachchan being Mr. Bachchan, he would have the last laugh.Wonder what would you people do if he starts endorsing under-garments as well"I said and put down the phone

Authors Note:The above post was an intended sarcasm( sidin style :) ) on the trend of hero worshiping prevalent these days. The fans are always on the extremes....either they regard their heroes as God/Goddesses or turn them into Devils overnight. An equally unresponsive behaviour is seen on the part of so called "heroes" who are so very involved in their materialistic pleasures that they pay no heed to their social and moral obligations.
Hope it wasn't too bad :) So pour in your feedback
And Pamba sorry for using your name :) :)